It has been a while since I have posted here and that is a mistake. If one is to overcome their depression than they must become a creature of habit. It is a fight fire with fire situation in that depression uses the same tactics. It too turns into creatures of habits in order to ensnare us into a cyclical pattern of behavior that sends us deeper into despair.
Sure depression is a hellishly specified illness tailor made for our own unique torment, but the overall themes and symptoms are all the same. Intrusive thoughts of low self worth and fear, suicidal ideation, poor sleeping habits (too much or too little), eating too much crap or not at all, cutting your self off from friends and family, and the like.
As a result, the logical step to break this cycle is to do the opposite of your symptoms. That will help to break the cycle, or at least slow the descent. Then, if you are able to build on the steps you have made you will begin to lift through the haze of depression. If you are able to develop these steps of self care, such as meditation, exercise, avoiding caffeine and alcohol etc., and turn them into a daily routine, you will indeed emerge from despair.
I stop here, only because this is where I am at currently. I am taking many great steps towards recovery, but the harsh reality is that it only takes one small misstep to fall back under. Then you find yourself at the bottom of the hill, only to have to start putting one foot in front of the other yet again. It can be exhausting and downright demoralizing. It is truly unique to mental health issues that such small deviations can have such disastrous results.
To be fair though, I haven’t been perfect and I am yet to take all the steps. So I won’t give up yet. I have to give me a chance.
We must remember that we are in there and we are worth fighting for. Being depressed long enough encourages us to see ourselves as the depression. This is perhaps the most rotten trick of all. We have to remember that not only are we not our illness, but we are in fact stronger than it. We must adapt a warrior mentality, as for many of us this is a life and death battle. This is not a fucking joke. We have to become sons of Sparta, Maori Warriors, become Genghis Fucking Khan and not stop fighting for the rest of our lives.
I leave you with a quote said to have originated from the Cherokee:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between 2 “wolves” inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Remember that you are the good wolf.